I have problems with finishing the projects. And it always starts in the same way. Initially, I start the project with a lot of excitement,then I deep dive into researching and I say to myself, that “This is the one”. The project that I will prove something to myself, the one that I will finish.
And then, few months later, it suffers from “the abandonment syndrome” – stuck in an endless half-finished projects. The cycle repeats, and I find myself asking, “Will I ever finish anything?”
Self Reflection
I have been trying to figure out why this keeps happening. I tell myself I won’t repeat the same pattern again with my next jaw dropping project, but then it happens again. What could be the actual problem ?
Is it because of lack of self motivation ? Is it because I am slowly losing interest in the project ?
Problem
I think of random projects, let’s say a compiler that compiles JS to WASM.
For someone who has only background in web development, this project may sound like a lot of work . And in some way, it is , for someone like me, who has only worked with web development and not with compilers.
But the issue is, I try to compare my project with other state-of-the-art compilers, and ask if what I am doing is actually worth it or not. If it is actually good enough to show to people on Linkedin and help me get my next job. There are lots of things that I consider and wonder while working on project. First, I ask, if it is a viable business model and if random strangers on the internet will find this impressive enough.
Patterns and Conflicts
I realized that, I alaways try to compare with other projects, and people. Another reason, I think is, because I do not have the motivation to continue the project, because what i am doing as a side project, mayn’t be relevant to my work experience and what I do professionally. So, maybe it isn’t good enough for my future employers, and also because I am afraid to do so ?
I found few patterns and conflicts, while self reflecting on this behavior
-
Curiosity vs Commitment: I love learning, and exploring deeper than its needed, and end up not having completing anything. It’s like I’m doing a depth-first search on every rabbit hole instead of focusing on the actual problem. And the result ? Well, I deviate away from the actual problem i was solving and end up doing nothing
-
Perfectionism vs Progress: For some reasons, I try to make things look like they are all perfect with no issues. I feel paranoid and care about edge cases, and I am so focused on making everything perfect that I lose sight of the bigger picture. For instance, if the data structure am using is actually efficient ? If this code is reusable enough ? If this code is idiomatic enough ? I yearn for excellence and perfectionism, and eventually, i have nothing to show.
-
Control vs Chaos: I hate to confess it as an engineer, but i have realized that i find it more easy to thrive in well-defined systems but find it difficult to navigate unpredictable or ambigious situations, which often leads to abandoning projects when they move from clear structure to messy reality.
The problem isn’t the lack of skill or knowledge. I dive deep, sometimes deeper than needed. So, my real issue is a mix of overthinking, perfectionism, and the endless thrill of starting something new over the grind of finishing.
Consequences
At first, it didn’t look like a big deal. Because “Unfinished Projects” is a common meme among software engineers. But then I look back, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. And then, I end up having nothing to show up.
How do I explain to others, that I spent weeks and months on this project, and I have nothing to show ? Because, let’s be honest - unfinished projects don’t count. No one cares about the half built project. An idea without execution is just a thought, and thoughts don’t ship. And as the list of abandoned projects grows, so does the regret. What if it piles up, what if i had just pushed through ? What if i had ignored the self doubt ? what, if just once , I had finished something big ?
I should admit the fact, that its going for years, and i need to change this pattern.
End notes
I have realized that, if i keep waiting for the perfect plan, the perfect decision, or the perfect moment, I will stay exactly where i am stuck. At some point, I have to stop studying and planning, and start building.
This time, I’m doing something different. I AM FINISHING THIS BLOG POST. Maybe that’s the first step. Maybe that’s all it takes.